Elaine Alec’s new book ‘Coming of Age’ shares teachings to navigate difficult times

In a time of distress with politics and the state of the world, Elaine Alec (teɬkənitkʷ) hopes her new book will provide people with some light in their lives.

The syilx and Secwépemc author’s latest work, Coming of Age: Overcoming Trauma to Achieve Self-Determination, is a culmination of Alec’s research, cultural stories, spiritual teachings and lessons from her own life.

The resulting book ties together a comprehensive look into the concept of “coming of age” and what it means — and the depth of the experience which Alec notes is important in “what it could actually do for us as humans.” 

“I feel like this book gives people hope,” she said.

“The importance of those coming of age teachings really was to support us to be our best selves and to show up and live our purpose.”

She added that: “It became really important for me to share that, and I wanted to share it in a way that everybody felt like they could be a part of that journey.”

Coming of Age was released on April 24 and Alec has been on a book tour to various locations in “B.C.” — her next reading is scheduled to be in “Vancouver” on June 5.

‘We don’t know how to regulate ourselves when hard things happen’

During an event at the Williams Lake Visitor Centre on May 8, Alec spent the evening with a room full of readers who were eager to spend time with the author and get copies of her new book. Coming of Age is a follow up to Alec’s previous book Calling my Spirit Back, which she released in 2023. 

At the Williams Lake event, Alec read the introduction to Coming of Age and one chapter of the book for the audience. She then signed books for the attendees, some of whom had even brought copies of Calling my Spirit Back for her to sign.

The reading and signing kept Alec busy as it even became a family affair with her sister helping to organize the event and family members showing up to purchase books.

Alec explained in the book that her own child is now at a point in her life where she is coming of age — that process is powerful and transformational, she said, which inspired her to think about the teachings in the book.

To Alec, these lessons are bringing people back to times before colonization.

“I feel like coming of age is helping us break free from that systemic oppression that we’ve built up around ourselves and uphold,” she said.

“There’s systemic oppression, there’s systemic racism, there’s all of these systemic issues, and we’re always making it someone else’s job to fix that for us, and without realizing we’re actually upholding it, we’re part of the people holding that up, and that’s the hardest part for us to deal with.”

She added that it takes healing and courage to be able to stand up and make change. Alec said that people need to live with both sides of their emotions and have the understanding around them to work through and process the feelings, which is something coming of age teachings encompass.

“We don’t have the tools anymore to navigate that, and we become so fragile, and every generation gets more and more fragile,” she said.

“We don’t know how to regulate ourselves when hard things happen.”

In her previous work where she began to understand coming of age, Alec heard from people who shared their stories of coming of age and the importance of the teachings. 

“I heard from one of the women, she said, you know, we’re born human, and as humans, we will experience pain and trauma and loss and grief, and that’s an expectation, like it’s a fact of life,” she said. 

“And so we’ve had ways to help us move through that, but throughout the years, we’ve tried to get around the pain and around the suffering, or avoid it, or numb it, so we are no longer able to handle the hard things — to go through it.”

A theme of connectedness comes from the book where Alec writes that “coming-of-age is the work of reconnecting with ourselves and each other. It is about remembering who we are and embracing the emotional and spiritual growth that we must go through to overcome trauma.”

In the book, Alec writes that coming of age is about cultivating safe space and adds that “It is an understanding that, as human beings, we will inevitably experience pain and hardship. This is a fact of life, and yet colonialism has taught us to avoid our feelings, leaving us unable to process or regulate ourselves through difficult times.”

The book features creation and animal stories which was important for Alec to include as she had trouble finding them in her own life, she said. She knew of the stories, but didn’t often hear them entirely or fully grasp the teachings.

Sometimes it was a process of finding the stories though as people have different beliefs around the circumstances needed to tell a story or share the teachings but when she most needed the stories, they had a way of coming to her. 

“The stories come to you when you need it, or you will hear the story in another way that helps you apply it to that moment in your life,” she said.

Reflections on the writing process

Through her time trying to work within colonial guidelines, Alec has learned to find structures that work for her, which is why she self-published Coming of Age.

Her advice for other Indigenous writers is to “write the first draft for yourself, write the draft like no one is ever gonna read it.”

She learned through trial and error to find ways that worked for her when getting her stories written and together. 

“This book is never going to come out if I don’t allow myself the freedom to write the way I know how to write,” she said. 

“Halfway through, like, after two years, I pretty much almost rewrote it all over again.”

Even getting the outline together in chronological order didn’t work for Alec so she used her own process to get the book organized. 

“I didn’t even write my book linear, either — like I picked out the themes and then I wrote those themes whenever I felt compelled to talk about those themes,” she said.

“And I didn’t write chapter one, chapter two, chapter three. I placed the chapters afterwards and moved my book around.

“I tied it together in the final editing phase, where I tied off each – almost each chapter – with questions, reflection questions. So there’s teachings in the chapters, and then after each chapter there’s reflection questions for people to say, how can I apply this teaching into my life?”

Alec has hopes of this book being impactful for young people who are on their own journeys.

“I hope that all the young people read this book and learn to never dim their light for anybody or anything, to be who they truly are, and take no shit from anybody,” she said with a laugh.